xin lỗi/cảm ơn

ê này. tớ biết là không nên đọc lại tin nhắn cũ, nhưng tớ đã gặp một người. tớ đã bảo “ôi cứ như là glitch in the matrix ấy”, vì quả thực cậu và cậu ấy giống nhau như hai giọt nước (“god made another one of me”?). cậu ấy sống ở bayern, cách việt nam 5 múi giờ, cậu ấy chơi guitar, cậu ấy đạp xe đi học, cậu ấy thích mèo, cậu ấy có một em gái (dù tớ chưa hỏi liệu em gái cậu ấy có bằng tuổi tớ không),

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sad fuck with a case of insomnia

four thirty, i have given up on sleep. although my eyelids are acting eager to meet, i doubt ill get any rest today.

the wind is howling and this scary weather is perfect for a cup of tea. just not this cold leftover green tea.

no dont read this. dont continuously see me as this whiny vagabond, even though thats exactly what i am.

i just got in bed again. maybe ill turn off the wifi, and hopefully, my thoughts.

it

means

stalking your facebook wall for the tenth time of the day but this time going down further than just the name, finding out you have been deleting my traces off your public social medias, and not knowing what to make of that information

it also means obsessively checking and double checking if that green dot is present, for nothing because we don’t talk anymore

and it means prying open my brain and looking for the signs that can tell me to finally stop behaving so pathetically, you piece of shit, you are making everybody uncomfortable, stop it

please stop ignoring me

please love me again

please don’t leave

please don’t say im not enough, ill be enough if you come back

please don’t hate me, im sorry

im so sorry

 

(i ask myself. why am i, who was made of atoms alike to the stars’, who has existed long before we happened, worrying about swollen red eyes in class tomorrow.)

2017-08-18 09.21.53 2.jpg

your words were reassuring, but life happened. time is passing, people are changing, so is it really redundant that i ask, do you still love me anymore?