DSC_0123despite what i told myself, i still want to get that spontaneous marriage certificate with you. i still want to go through all the troubles of planning a wedding, however small it is intended to be, to hold your hand through that and sometimes bite that fist because youre just so dense sometimes.

and wow, isnt that a wild thought.

to feel adequate to even think about that, we’ll have to walk through a hundreds unfulfilled promises, solve a million problems, and im not so sure after that there will be an iota of love or patience left.

but we gotta have hope do we not?

i speak temporariness everyday but please, be my forever.

“der himmel ist schön heute.”

this being grows and expands everyday but it still feels like something is missing.

the worries it has had for months on end have yet to fade, moreover it’s as if some of them were being exhumed by a brilliant disturbance.

i have made friends here.

i have taken the lead here.

still there is this constant reminder on the back of my mind that’s always singing on top of its voice, you are mediocre (“yes i know”), you will never achieve anything significant in life (“that i know too”), and most importantly, you will revert to the comfort of reverie once again (“that is true”).

how do i keep my thoughts on course even if it hurts me to do so.

because pain means growth.